I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
