I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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