alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
