Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
