I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
