Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
