i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
