I need help removing her.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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