Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
