I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
