I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
