So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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