I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
