Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
