wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think my moral compass just broke
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
