i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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