dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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