I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
