he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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