People with herpes should wear stickers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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