My friends, they love my intelligence
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
