Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
