:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
