my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
