I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
