mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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