I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
