I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
