On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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