So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
