drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
