If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
