she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
