he thought i was a dude.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
