i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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