and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
