Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
