I need to stop coming to work sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
