I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
