Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
