My friends, they love my intelligence
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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