; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
