I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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