I wish I could teleport
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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