I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
