Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
