If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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