you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
