You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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