This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
