tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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